Conversations with my daughter

Abby: I'm thirsty.

Me: well finish that boogerberry drink Steve got you. That sounds delicious by the way.

Abby: yeah it doesn't taste like boogers actually, more like apples or something.

Me: what?

Abby: I'm just sayin I've tasted boogers before and it doesn't taste like boogers at all. 

(We all look at each other and then back at abby)

Me: you've tasted your boogers before you say? 

Abby: yeah..... They go in my mouth sometimes

Me: ewwwwww!!!

Abby: oh please mommy, you are SO much grosser than I ever could be!

Me: touché 

Conversations with my daughter

Me: that was fast! (Abby has just returned from the bathroom)

Abby: well I was going to poop but the toilet paper here is crappy so I'll just wait until we get back to the hotel.

Me: the toilet paper was too crappy for you to wipe crap on it is what you're saying?

Abby: yes......

Me: what you're literally saying just so I'm clear is that you took one look at this toilet paper and said nope, I can't wipe crap on this crap?

Abby: exactly

Me: I'm intrigued to see this toilet paper

Abby: not much to see its thin, real thin, like super thin

Me: your moms thin, real thin, like super thin 

Abby: that toilet paper was way thinner....

lol